You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone
by SunMonTue
Summary: Dave and Kurt's relationship experience some bumps in the road when they realize they don't want the same things in life. (COMPLETE)


**Author's note**: Written for the Kurtofsky June 2013 Fic Exchange, the prompt "celebration/party" with pre-established relationship/angst wanted and non con/violence/gore were unwanted. (Adam is canon Adam and there is a mention of past Kadam).

**Warning**: Angst. Barebacking.

* * *

"Do you think you'll ever propose?"

He feels Dave tense beside him and he turns his head.

"What? To you?"

Kurt pulls a face and pokes him in the side.

"Well, _yes_, me. Who else would you get married to?"

"You want to get married?"

"Well, yes. Of course. Don't you?"

"I –. No. No, I don't."

_Oh._

"Really?" He hates how little his voice sounds, how his heart feels like it has stopped, how his stomach feels like it's started beating instead, making him feel sick.

"Kurt, I love you…"

"But you don't want to marry me," he cuts in. He feels hurt, because he can't imagine his life without Dave, wants to marry him, but they apparently don't want the same thing. He pulls away, moving to stand and he feels Dave's hand encircle his wrist, pulling him back slightly but he shakes him off. He can't right now, can't touch him, can't look at him, just needs some time away. To think.

…

Dave stares at the shut door, feels like crying and screaming in equal parts. He's angry at himself, because he _still_ can't easily explain how he feels. Not like Kurt can, although sometimes he's convinced Kurt doesn't think half the time before he blurts out what he's feeling, and what he says can be hurtful. Kurt has to know he loves him, wants to spend the rest of his life with him… just. Marriage? He never thought he could have that. Never allowed himself to think he could have it.

He lies in their bed, waiting for Kurt to come home.

Except he doesn't.

…

He doesn't know what to say to him, so he moves in silence. Watches as Dave leaves for work, they pass in the kitchen with stiff politeness, tight-lipped, and he just wants to reach out and touch him. Hold him tight and never let him go. He doesn't know how to break the silence, it gets harder as each hour passes. He's thought about it, and he doesn't need a piece of paper to prove how much he loves Dave. How stable their relationship is.

_Was_.

…

He gets home and Kurt has moved into the spare room. He stands off to the side, jaw clenched and throat swallowing convulsively over and over. _I love you. I love you. I love you. _He thinks it again and again with such intensity he's sure Kurt has to know what he's thinking, how he feels. He's thought it over now, realizes that it's not that he doesn't want to marry Kurt, it's that he never dreamed anything like that would be possible and to save himself from disappointment, had never let himself think about it. Not let himself want it.

All he wants really is Kurt.

…

"I'm moving out."

His heart breaks as he says it and as he looks in the mirror he notes his red-rimmed eyes from crying, the dark shadows underneath due to lack of sleep, the shavers rash he's got because he forgot to change the razor. He looks terrible and he wishes that things could be different, but they've just reached an impasse. He can't bring it up, because he still feels the initial burn of fear and rejection of Dave's simple words a week ago.

Dave doesn't want to be with him, despite how much he loves him. It would be enough for Kurt, but he knows Dave would always wonder whether Kurt still wants to get married, that Kurt's settled. He knows he wouldn't be settling, would tell Dave over and over, but it wouldn't be enough. And Dave deserves someone he knows loves him fully, unconditionally and wants for nothing.

…

The apartment feels cold and empty without Kurt in it, and he knows that he shouldn't make any rash decisions, but he can't live there any longer with everything reminding him of Kurt, so he puts it on the market. It's his, a place he bought just before he and Kurt started dating, the result of many years of casual acquaintanceship after meeting again post-college.

It hadn't been easy, but neither had it been fraught with difficulties and awkward conversations.

Maybe it should have been.

…

**FOUR MONTHS LATER**

Dave stares at the two costumes and then at Drew and Adam, who are both grinning and nodding like they've come up with the best costume ideas ever. He'd told them he couldn't come up with anything, which wasn't exactly true, but he just didn't really feel like putting the energy into organizing a costume. They had both seemed to take it as a personal challenge and now…

Now he's looking at a costume for Bane and another which he's not quite sure about, but they both seem severely lacking in top coverage. His arms will definitely be on display in both costumes, and with the Bane one, it looks like most of his upper body would be too.

"Who is that costume meant to be?"

"Korben Dallas." At his blank look Drew rolls his eyes and waves a hand, picking it up and thrusting it at him. "Have you never seen Fifth Element? Go, go and try it on. We can watch the movie later."

He tries on both costumes, wavering between the two before finally deciding on Korben Dallas. He vaguely remembers it, but the costume offers a bit more coverage of his body, which he's all in favor of. Apparently it's a shame to cover up his chest, but when Drew flicks one of his nipples it seals his decision a hundred times over.

…

He would have skipped tonight, but Andrew had phoned him especially to ensure he was coming. He'd been touched, because he's not exactly become a recluse since his split from Dave, but he had always considered that Andrew was more Dave's friend than his, and that maybe he would no longer be welcome at his friend's 30thbirthday party. It's a costume party, made to coincide with Halloween, which makes it good and bad in equal measure.

The only theme is that they have to come as a fictional character which is really open to interpretation. However he never puts less than 100% into his outfits, and he usually likes the imaginative ideas he comes up with when faced with this sort of challenge. This time though he'd got nothing until two nights before when he'd finally settled on Gilgamesh Wulfenbach after going through his clothes and accessories and realizing that with a quick trip to the store and a couple of additions he'd have the perfect costume.

However he doesn't expect many people to be able to know who he is, and it was Dave that introduced him to the Girl Genius comics. He realizes then that Dave will probably be there. He hasn't seen him in months, despite them pretty much having the same circle of friends. It's almost enough to stop him going, but instead he dresses with care, curiosity starting to burn in his gut at how Dave is. What he might look like, but none of that prepares him for it when he walks into Andrew's apartment and;

_Jesus Christ_.

He can tell it's Dave because he'd recognize those arms anywhere, and he'd swear black and blue that Dave's been working out, the muscles more defined than usual. And has someone greased him up? He looks… shiny. Yes. There's what looks like oil on him, machine oil, a ribbed, bright-orange sleeveless tank which is far tighter than what Dave would normally wear. Which is a shame because he looks _hot_. Something he always knew of course, but now everyone else in the room can tell as well, and he feels the spikes of ugly jealousy flare through him. Something he has no right to, because if he were _with_ Dave he'd be feeling smug rather than jealous. He is almost tempted to leave, before anyone can see him.

"Looks good, doesn't he? My costume idea!" Adam says from behind him, giving him a quick one-armed hug which he returns with a weak smile. Not so lucky with the idea of leaving then.

"Yeah, he does, look good, I mean…"

Adam quirks an eyebrow and gives him the little twist of lips which means he's fooling no one, least of all Adam, and he rolls his eyes and pulls a face. So what? He loves Dave and he's not over him, like that's news to anyone in their circle of friends with eyes and half a brain. His eyes drift back to Dave, watching as he drinks something from a tumbler and he sighs as he watches the tendons in his neck work. Adam walks away, and he's pretty sure he hears him muttering about someone being an idiot.

…

"Don't look now, but Kurt just arrived… Fuck, David, I said _don't look_. In what language do you interpret that to mean turn around and stare. _Fucking hell_."

Despite Drew's eye rolling and stomping on his toes (completely useless considering the steel caps they insisted completed his costume) he drinks his fill of Kurt while he's busy talking to Adam before turning back to Drew and taking a long drink, simply because it's something to do and he doesn't want to piss Drew off any more than he already has. The guy has listened to enough of his pity-parties in the last four months.

"Blind. Completely and utterly blind," Adam states, coming up and bumping his shoulder. He frowns and wonders what he's referring to. He likes Adam, which considering he's one of Kurt's exes is saying a lot. But Adam is just… _easy_. He's never felt like he's lacking when around him, which is the opposite of how a couple of others make him feel.

"Who's blind?"

Adam stares at him for a brief second before taking his drink and finishing it off, sharing a pointed look with Drew. Dave looks between them, pretty sure he's missing something.

"You need to go and talk to him."

"I – what? Why?"

"Because you aren't going to move past him if you don't. If you actually want to move at all…" Drew states, and he's shoved unceremoniously by both of them in Kurt's general direction.

…

"Kurt. Hi. How are you?"

"Hi, David. I'm… good, thanks." It feels stiffly polite, all lies, and he feels equal parts angry and like he's about to burst into tears at any second. He really should have left when he'd first thought of it, because he's not ready for this, it's too raw. He grits his teeth into a semblance of a smile and takes a breath. "How have you been?"

"I… honestly? Pretty shit."

He sucks his lips into his mouth to hold back the automatic _I'm sorry_. He's not really sure why that had been his automatic response but he realizes that this small exchange is more conversation than he'd exchanged with Dave when he left. That realization, that he didn't even try and talk it through sends a fresh spike of grief through him at the loss of his relationship.

"Yes, well, it's not exactly been a ball park for me either. I suppose I should have asked you that type of question before we started our relationship."

"_What_? Kurt… that's insane. You _walked out_. You didn't even give us a chance,_me_ a chance, to talk. You don't have that type of conversation at the start of a relationship."

"No, apparently we have this conversation at the _end _of it."

"Wow. Fuck you, Kurt. Seriously? Obviously five years wasn't worth fighting for."

"Why fight for someone who doesn't want to spend the rest of their life with me!"

"Bullshit! Of course I do! Did! Whatever! You didn't ask me that, you asked if I ever thought about _marriage_. _Proposing_. I never thought I could have that, why would I torture myself with an impossible dream?"

"Because it's not impossible!"

"And you tell me that _NOW_. Why not four months ago?"

He has no words, none at all to explain how he feels, what he's thinking, let alone articulate how he felt four months ago. Instead he just lunges forward, fingers grasping bare shoulders, and there's definitely a little oil under his fingers and he kisses him; pouring every emotion into it, the hurt and anger, confusion, disappointment, driving need to _prove_ something.

…

It feels like coming home and finding out your house has been robbed. Kurt feels familiar in every way, but he can also feel the anger between them, manifesting itself into hard bruising kisses, biting teeth and fingers that are digging too hard into soft flesh. He usually doesn't let his anger rule him, but his anger at Kurt's anger builds, because this, _this_ complete and utter fucked up break-up isn't solely Dave's fault.

He pushes Kurt against the wall, hands on his waist and thumbs hooking through belt loops, tugging Kurt' hips against his own. He can feel Kurt's nails digging into his shoulders, fingers flexing and scraping skin, and he presses one of his thighs between his legs, sucking his bottom lip and then scraping his stubble over the sensitized flesh. Kurt's breathy moan tells him it's just as effective as its ever been in turning Kurt on.

He doesn't know about Kurt, but he hasn't been with anyone since… they split? Had this huge massive misunderstanding which completely fucked them over? God, they need to talk more, about important stuff, because trundling along like they had been is what got them into this mess. And he wants to get them out of it _right now_. He's going to make Kurt talk, and the best time for that is right after sex, although given how angry they both are right now that might backfire.

He doesn't let that stop him, moving his hand to squeeze an ass cheek, grinding his hips forward and he hears a _thunk_ as Kurt's head hits the wall. He doesn't give him a chance to catch his breath, kissing roughly with a level of desperation he remembers from their reunions after Kurt would come back from two weeks away for work. Desperate needy sex, rushed and frantic with a higher sense of urgency. It's a bit like that, but the undercurrent of anger is still there, the primary focus, and it feels like they're both trying to hurt each other and turn each other on in equal measure.

Fingers graze over his scalp hair roughly, and he can tell Kurt is trying to pull his hair, but it's too short, trimmed only this morning (Drew wanting to shave it completely for the costume). He grunts at the sharp bite to his lip, pulls back and with both his hands tugs the ornate jacket Kurt is wearing down his arms, effectively trapping his arms at his sides. He feels Kurt buck against him, pushes back and hopes Kurt doesn't bite off his tongue when he slips it into his mouth.

There is nothing to worry about, Kurt's tongue slides against his hot and hard, and there is a scrape of teeth, and he can feel Kurt struggling to get an arm free. He lets his arms loosen and Kurt's hand is back digging into his shoulder almost immediately, holding him tightly as if he doesn't want to risk letting go.

"Oh god, David… _please_."

"Tell me, tell me what you want…"

"I want to fuck you."

He lets out a groan, because he is totally on board with that idea, although a part of him wants to fuck Kurt until he's screaming. He reaches and lifts one of Kurt's legs around him, bracing Kurt's body against the wall for leverage so he can get a good grip and carry him to…

"Fucking _finally_."

The voice pulls him back to _now_ and his head snaps around to where Drew and Adam and the fucking entire room are _staring_ at them. Shit.

"Ah… as much as we appreciate the floor show you both seem prepared to give us, you might regret it come morning. Or once you've come."

"Oh god…" There's a completely different inflection to Kurt's voice now, and he can tell that he's embarrassed, but hopefully not too embarrassed. He looks around quickly, and most of the people in the room are people he considers friends, and they're smiling encouragingly, or looking away out of deference. Or embarrassment. He lets Kurt's leg drop slowly, not letting go, or moving away too much, but bringing their body's positions to a more suitable arrangement for a roomful of people.

"The guest room is empty. You guys need to talk," Drew states, looking between them, and for the first time he realizes that they may have been set up. He gives Kurt a quick look, who just nods once, decisive and he realizes then that they're going to do this, talk, or have makeup sex or… fuck, he has no idea. Having a roomful of people staring at you, able to see your erection and the reddening scratches on your shoulders… he's not exactly turned off, but neither does he want to continue with an audience.

He gets a couple of encouraging looks as he walks through, Kurt following him, although he's not quite sure _what_ they're encouraging exactly. It's been no secret that he and Kurt parted ways, but from the way people are looking at them it seems people are rooting for them. He shuts the bedroom door behind him, leaning against it and watches as Kurt strips of his jacket, carefully hanging it on a coat hanger. He knows from the action that Kurt feels nervous, is stalling for time, because otherwise Kurt can have moments of not giving a damn about where his clothes end up when they go flying.

The sexual urgency has gone, but so has the majority of his anger, which is good, because now they can probably have a conversation that doesn't end in them going their separate ways again.

"We need to talk."

"Yeah. We do." He pauses then, because as much as they need that, he also knows Kurt tends to over think things. Make simple facts more complicated than they need to be. "Do you love me?" Kurt nods, mouth open ready to say something and he holds up a hand. "Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?" Kurt nods again, looking like he's about to cry. He's not going to propose, not now anyway, because they _do _need to talk, but right now he wants other things more.

"Then we can sort everything out later, because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Okay?"

…

Words stick in his throat, mostly because his throat is tight with tears he's holding back. _Dave still loves him_. Loves him and wants to spend the rest of his life with him, and fuck he's an idiot, jumping to conclusions and just… _giving up_. He can't stand to not be touching him any longer, stepping forward and running his hands over his arm, and he knows Adam and Andrew dressed him like this deliberately; to remind him of what he gave up.

"I'm sorry, so sorry… I'm an idiot."

"We both were. I could have said something at any time but you just… _left_."

He can't stop the tears now, Dave sounds so hopeless and his fingers tighten, looping around and he holds him, wanting to convey how he will never let go so easily ever again. He's saying sorry over and over, and he feels like he will never be able to say it enough. The whole thing is his fault, so quick to assume things, but he knows Dave will always try and share the blame.

"I love you, _so much_. I just… I thought you didn't want me."

"Kurt, I will _never_ not want you." He lets out a hiccoughing sob, and he knows his eyes are red, nose is running, skin blotched red from emotion and Dave is still looking at him like he's the best sight he's ever seen. "You forgave me when you didn't even know me, continue to forgive me. I love you, you think I'm not going to forgive you? But you don't shut me out like that again. I won't be able to stand it."

He nods furiously, agreeing to anything, because he wants the rest of his life with Dave, because that's what Dave wants and he wants Dave to be happy. He knows that that is a convoluted part of why he left, and looking at it all now he just feels like an idiot. No wonder all his friends thought he'd overreacted, told him he needed to talk to Dave.

"I won't. I won't ever just walk away like that. I will talk to you, I can't promise I won't scream, or not get angry, but I will never give up on this. Us."

"Good. Because I won't either. I… don't always have the words, and I wanted to tell you so much, but then you weren't there anymore when I finally did have the words, and I didn't want to go after you when I thought you didn't want to be with me. I didn't think there was much point, but… there was. There is."

What they're exchanging right now sounds a lot like vows in his head, and if this is all he ever has then that's completely okay with him. He knows that now. He works his hands under Dave's monstrosity of a top, even if it is part of a costume the bright orange color cannot be excused. The tight ribbing however is definitely something he needs to get Dave to wear. Repeatedly.

Their kisses are softer, hands gentler, and it's become more of a slow re-exploration of ground they used to know intimately. Dave has lost weight, and that thought makes him frown with concern, but he feels Dave's fingers on his face smoothing away worry lines. His body also feels _harder_, and he guesses Dave has been working out, because that's something he does when he's upset. He feels a flood of guilt all over again, but Dave's mouth is on his neck, sucking and licking a path to his ear, hands working on the belt at his waist. That seems like an idea he can work with and his own hands travel to Dave's belt, fingers flicking it through the buckle with years of practice, running his hand over the curve of his ass and pushing his pants and underwear down.

He doesn't know if he wants to fuck Dave. Well, of course he does, but right now, he just wants to touch, and taste, and remind himself over and over that this… it's his again. He's welcome to touch and taste and press his erection against Dave's thigh. He can feel Dave's erection against his own body, although Dave is wiggling, trying to get his pants down.

"Fucking combat boots… why did they make me wear combat boots?" Dave says, and his voice is delightfully breathy.

"Because it makes you looks fucking hot," Kurt replies, and he kneels, because if it's one thing he can do with his eyes shut is take off a pair of boots. He's eye-level with Dave's crotch, and he grins. There's _another_ thing he can do with his eyes closed, although he prefers to watch Dave's face. He breathes against the stretched black fabric of Dave's boxer briefs, leaving it to Dave to edge them down, his own fingers going to the laces of the boot.

As he undoes the knot and loosens the laces his mind is sparking with ideas of Dave in nothing but the boots, and of course that's completely impractical right now, because the aim is to get Dave's pants _off_, but another time… he's definitely exploring that. Although he doesn't recall these boots being part of Dave's wardrobe. Another thing he will have to remedy, even if he never wears them in public.

…

He's missed this, not just Kurt, but the sex. He hasn't really taken any enjoyment from it since Kurt left, which wasn't deliberate on his part, he just never felt like getting himself off. Or going out and getting someone else to do it for him. He's glad for it now, because it's burning through him, the memory of Kurt's touch and the fact that he's going to come shortly and hopefully again later when Kurt fucks him. He's glad there hasn't been anyone in between.

He runs his fingertips through Kurt's hair, it feels like satin and it's yet another thing he's missed. He can feel the pressure of Kurt's mouth on his cock and he just savors it, the warm breath, the gentle friction as Kurt runs his nose along the length. The constricting pressure around his left leg eases and he feels the boot loosen until Kurt quietly tells him to lift his foot. He does and then he's standing there, slightly uneven due to the ridiculous heel height the boots give him. He moves his hands to his underwear and pulls them down, watching Kurt as he watches his cock.

"_Fuck_…"

It's a whisper, barely audible to his own ears over the rush of blood in his ears, and he hears Kurt murmur something, but he can't tell if it's actually words before he feels the warm slick slide of Kurt's tongue up the length of his cock. His stomach clenches in anticipation, waiting, knowing what's coming, the tight heat of Kurt's mouth around him. Of course it doesn't come and he knocks his head back on the door, hips thrusting forward and he mutters Kurt's name under his breath, wanting but also enjoying the dragging out of anticipated pleasure. Kurt's tongue just licks, _slowly_, pressing his cock firmly against his lower stomach, held in place with Kurt's spare hand, the other working on his other boot.

Predictably his other boot comes off first before his cock is having anything other than gentle lick, and then Kurt is working his pants down his thighs and knees and he's stepping out of them, completely naked except for the glaringly bright orange top Adam had delightfully made him wear earlier.

"Now the top. When I look up at you I want to see you, not be blinded by…_that_."

As he'd just been having the same thought he pulls it over his head easily, throwing it in the same direction the rest of his costume has taken, feeling a little self-conscious, although he knows Kurt likes his body well enough.

"What about you? You're still dressed."

"You can undress me later."

Dave groans, because it's one of his _things_, undressing Kurt, and he's sure Kurt sometimes wears extra layers just so Dave can have the pleasure of taking each one off. And now is no exception, because despite Kurt having already taken the jacket off there's a waistcoat, a shirt, and knowing Kurt another two layers beneath that. Right now though an almost-fully-dressed Kurt is kneeling in front of him, taking his times and eyes hooded as he watches Dave in turn.

"_Kurt_."

It sounds half strangled to his ears, and there are times he wishes he was slightly more controlled in this type of situation. It's never going to happen though, and instead of answering to his name Kurt has started sucking him. Tongue, lips, fingers, all moving with purpose, and he's pretty sure Kurt is trying to get him off as fast as possible. He knows he's right when he feels fingers brush over his perineum that Kurt no doubt intends to massage the spot along with possibly starting to finger him open. The thought alone has his legs trembling, and he spreads them, letting his knees loosen slightly so that he won't lock up.

He tries to keep his eyes open, to maintain eye-contact with Kurt as his head moves up and down, one hand on Dave's cock, the other alternating between cupping his balls and brushing behind them. Kurt has long fingers and years of practice doing this, he can do both but it's usually reserved for special occasions, although he thinks of anytime with Kurt as being pretty special. He's a sap.

He smiles and lets his hips rock forward slightly and lets his body fall into the familiar rhythm, like muscle memory and continues to rock his hips slightly, the only part of his body that moves. Kurt's mouth and hands work well together, fingers brushing but not pressing or pushing. Gentle. He's not sure how long it continues; it's soporific but somehow has him on the brink, like walking the knife edge of coming but wrapped in a fluffy warm blanket of arousal.

His attention is drawn sharply back to Kurt's mouth on his cock by the gentle scrape of teeth and his eyes, that he hadn't even been aware he'd closed, snap open to meet Kurt's steady gaze. He's pretty sure Kurt is smirking at him, if that is even possible around a mouthful of cock, although he knows for Kurt nothing is impossible. Kurt's tongue and mouth speed up, and he wishes Kurt could talk, tell him to come now, because he could so easily, or whether that would piss him off.

"Kurt, I'm close, but…"

The unasked question is there, and it's answered just as silently with an increase in speed and suction for about a minute before Kurt's hand takes over completely, pumping him hard and fast as his orgasm skitters through him. It doesn't feel like quite enough and all at once he feels like slumping onto the floor and begging Kurt to never stop. He lets himself rest against the door behind him, and he's mindful of the fact that they're currently guests in a friend's house, and despite them practically shoving the pair of them towards the bedroom he's really not sure about the etiquette of the situation.

"You still want to undress me?"

"Fuck yes."

_Screw etiquette_.

He kisses him first, savoring the swollen lips and musky scent of himself and he nuzzles his nose against Kurt as his fingers work the buttons of the waistcoat. A part of him can't believe Kurt just gave him a blowjob while wearing… _this_. He looks like a steam-punk country gentleman, and he looks _hot_. He slides the waistcoat over Kurt's shoulders, palming the muscles in his upper arms and over his shoulders softly, letting Kurt toss the waistcoat to the ground with his costume. _Good_.

Kurt pulls the scarf-neck-tie _thing_ and throws it over his shoulder and he works the buttons on his shirt next, kissing him while he works the fastenings, feeling Kurt's fingers dig into his ass cheeks before releasing to massage his ass with the palms of his hands. He moves a little faster, sliding the fabric of the shirt over Kurt's shoulder and he can kiss his neck now, and he sucks lightly, enjoying the moan Kurt makes, it reassures him that Kurt hasn't changed.

Unhooking the belt buckle in Kurt's pants he pulls the tank top he has tucked in out from the waist band, pulling it over his head before running his hands back down the long line of Kurt's arms, feeling Kurt's hands lower to loop around his head, fingers running through his hair, scraping against his scalp because Kurt can't do his usual tugging and pulling with his hair this short. He pushes Kurt's pants down over his ass, making sure he's pushing the boxer briefs as well; one hand cupping Kurt's erection to ensure it isn't snagged by the stretchy fabric.

Kurt steps back, and he watches him quickly unzip the boots he's wearing, shoving his pants down over his knees and stepping out of them before he's back, pressing his naked body against him and he groans, because _this_, the feel of Kurt pressed against him with nothing between them after so long, it's _bliss_. He lets his hand touch everywhere, the smooth skin of Kurt's back, the swell of his ass, tight muscles on his flank. Kurt's hands are on him, doing the same, and he realizes that Kurt has maybe missed him just as much.

He runs his hand down Kurt's side again, presses it between them and touches Kurt's cock, and he's hit with a wave of _want_. He wants to suck him off, fuck him and be fucked by him all at the same time, which is physically impossible but his mind doesn't care, envisioning three Kurt's surrounding him.

"Fuck, I want you…"

"The feeling is definitely mutual, trust me. Get on the bed."

…

He watches the muscles in Dave's neck move as he swallows and nods, moving to the bed but not before taking his hand and pulling him with him. When he's topping he takes longer to come, finding the clench of Dave's ass bordering on a little too tight sometimes. He enjoys it though, but when Dave tops he finds he comes quicker, as does Dave.

So they've always switched it up, depending on the mood and the time constraints they might have been working with. Quick lunchtime breaks versus later evening sessions or lazy weekend mornings in bed. In this situation Dave would usually top, because it's not like they have all the time in the world, but they both just seem to need it. He sees the little basket beside the guest bed, filled with condoms and little packets of lube and turns to look at Dave.

"I think Andrew and Adam were hoping for a sleepover…"

It amuses him, but is also comforting, knowing their friends all clearly think they belong together. He looks at the condoms again and freezes as hundreds of questions flood through him. He hasn't been with anyone since Dave, and they had been monogamous and tested and hadn't used them for the last three years of their relationship. He has no idea if Dave has remained celibate while they've been apart though, and he doesn't feel like asking right now, it's not exactly conducive to the mood, except… He doesn't want Dave thinking that _he_ is using them because of something he's done.

He has to ask, even if he hates hearing the answer, this is important, but he has no idea how to voice it without sounding accusatory but he has to try.

"I… I haven't been with anyone since you. Do we…" instead of saying it he just looks toward the basket, working his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I… I've not either. It's only been you, Kurt. It's always only been you."

He almost sobs at the admission, and it does sound like a little gasp. He pushes Dave back against the bed, straddling him before leaning down and kissing him thoroughly, reminding himself of the taste of Dave, although there's the faint spiciness of rum that Dave's been drinking he can still taste.

"For me too. You're it for me."

There are no more words after that and he rocks his hips against Dave's. He's achingly hard but he knows as soon as he pushes inside Dave the tightness will hold him back. Dave's hand on his cock feels too perfect right now and he has to pull away. From the smug look on Dave's face he knows why. He kisses a path down his body, kissing little moles like long-lost friends, licking over Dave's nipples and nosing through the hair on his belly, reveling as it tickles his nose.

Dave has gotten hard again. Not hard like he himself is, but still warm and firm in his hand as he mouths along the length. However he wants Dave hard and leaking again, and he's more than prepared to take the time to get him that way again. He rubs the pad of his thumb against Dave's hole, enjoying the sight of Dave throwing his head back and letting his upper body slump to the bed, knees coming up further and shifting so he can have better access. He continues to rub, enjoys the moment when he feels Dave flew and relax for the first time against the pad of his thumb.

He always uses four fingers to stretch him, needing him to be as stretched as possible, although he knows Dave doesn't need it himself, has watched him fuck himself with a dildo after only using two fingers. That memory makes his cock jerk and he reaches for the lube with trembling fingers, tearing it open and spilling half of it on the comforter. He doesn't care, reaching between Dave's ass cheeks and pressing his finger against the furl of flesh until it gives and he moves slowly, waiting until Dave shifts impatiently as a sign that he can speed up a bit.

"_Kurt_."

The word is bitten out, and he can hear the tinge of impatience in the tone, like he thinks that Kurt is somehow doing this to tease him, rather than just drawing out the pleasure. He keeps moving the single finger in and out, reaching for another packet of lube and he still feels a little overly emotional that he doesn't have to reach for a condom as well. He get's all of the lube where he wants it this time, slicking his cock but sliding two fingers into Dave, trying to push as much of it as he can inside him as his scissors and twists his fingers.

He takes the opportunity to move and kiss Dave again, thrusting his tongue into his mouth to mimic the movement of his fingers, grinding his erection against Dave's stomach before moving back to his original position, mouthing at Dave's cock as he presses in a third finger. Dave's body is making barely contained movements, bearing down on his hand and thrusting up toward his mouth, as if he can't make up his mind as to what he wants the most.

His breathing is already slightly erratic, and he's maybe dragged this out too long to last much longer, although he's being careful to ensure his cock is getting no friction or attention at all, but Dave is lying in front of him, skin flushed with a slight sheen of sweat, cock hard, the skin looking tight and red and he sucks it into his mouth, pushing his fingers in as far as they can go and listens as Dave swears and mumbles his name.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Come _on_…"

He pushes in, eyes not leaving Dave's face as he thrusts shallowly, letting some of the pressure bleed away and now that his cock is slowly being encased in _tight_ (so fucking tight) heat that is finally giving his a little of the push-pull friction that he so desperately needs. He goes slowly, although not as slow as he would usually, and he's not sure if it's because it's been so long, or because it's Dave or… what. He just doesn't feel the usual too-tight feeling and he realizes maybe he's just harder than usual. The idea makes him groan, because he definitely _feels_ harder as he finally settles into a rhythm.

He can already feel how tight his balls are, and he'd _thought_ that pushing into Dave would help him hold off longer, and he wants to hold back, wants Dave to come again before he does but he really doesn't know if that's within the realm of possibilities right now. Dave's head reaches up, mouth going for his chest and then there are teeth scraping over his left nipple, followed by a hot wet swipe of tongue and he shudders. His nipples are… _sensitive_. His left more so than his right, and it's almost become like a silent message in bed '_come on come on come on faster faster faster._' His hips snap sharply and Dave's mouth disappears from his chest.

"God Kurt, just… fuck me. _Hard_. Please. God."

His mouth goes dry and he swallows, trying to encourage some moisture although it doesn't seem to work. He lets himself go, increasing his pace until it's frantic and he feels like has no control over his own body, just the driving urge to come as fast and as hard as he can. He can feel Dave's hand moving on his cock, jerking himself off and he'd usually take the time to watch for a little while, but instead his fingers scrabble for Dave's legs, wanting to lift it so he can push in further and pull Dave onto him.

Without words they can still communicate what they want, and Dave moves, his leg resting on Kurt's shoulder, his fingers digging into his calf muscle as he thrusts. Dave's other hand is pulling back his other leg and he can't imagine that Dave is comfortable but he also knows that Dave wouldn't say anything because right now Dave doesn't _care_ if he's uncomfortable.

He cares though, and while he's split between wanting this to last forever and the urgent need to fucking finally come he lets himself go, making a completely undignified choking gasping sound as he comes and he continues to thrust, still feeling harder than usual. He lowers Dave's leg back to the bed and becomes cognizant enough to open his eyes and watch as Dave works his cock in his hand, breath coming in fast gasping pants, eyes squeezed shut as he comes. He savors the tight clench of muscle around him, it's easier now that he's come and he slumps forward a bit, kissing him but also being mindful of the come on Dave's stomach.

"That… that was over faster than I thought."

"It was perfect."

He smiles, a bit embarrassed which is several layers of stupid, but he can't help it, because it all feels new while being old and familiar at the same time. He pulls out, looking for a cloth or flannel but has to settle on using the bed sheets to wipe them both clean. Tomorrow his cock and balls are going to feel tender and slightly bruised, and he hates to think how Dave might feel.

"Are you okay?"

"Fuck yes…"

He smiles at the blissed out tone of Dave's voice, and it matches how he's feeling. He wants to hold him, although he's not really sure whether they should stay or go, or what Dave wants to do. He curls his body around Dave, hooking one leg over his and placing an arm over his chest, fingers curling in the hair in a way that has always relaxed him, regardless of whether they've had sex or not. Silence stretches between them and he feels Dave press a kiss to his forehead.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He'll say it every day if he has to, to remind himself as well, that he needs to talk and communicate and that nothing is worth giving this up.

"We don't have to stay. We could go home. Or… uh. My place. I've moved."

Again his heart clenches when Dave casually says home, but he feels terrible all over again when Dave says he's moved. He didn't know. He suspects the guilt is going to hit him over and over, but he doesn't care, he can work though anything if he has Dave.

...

**EPILOGUE**

Of course nothing is that easy. Drew and Adam are smug for _weeks_ about being the reason he and Kurt are back together, and they both let them feel smug, because they both agree they were idiots. Neither of them wanted to go through that again and when he'd hesitantly suggested couples therapy Kurt had agreed, saying he wants to try anything and everything. It helps, gives them tools to improve their relationship, because neither of them were great communicators before.

He ends up moving again, for the second time in a year, into an apartment he and Kurt buy together, rather than Kurt just moving in with him again, and it feels right, like a fresh beginning all over and he quietly asks Kurt to marry him in the empty spaces he knows they will fill with new memories. Kurt doesn't believe him until he produces the ring from his pocket.

They move fast, telling no one except their father's, because Kurt is pretty sure his dad would have been more than a little upset if he hadn't been involved at all. They're married. A simple registration office affair, with their father's as witnesses. Dave hadn't wanted the big ceremony, Kurt had wanted _something._ So new suits, a special dinner with their dads, and a two week honeymoon in France. That was a couple of days ago, and they are having this party, what everyone thinks is a house warming, but one in which they will announce their marriage.

He's never felt happier, and he's pretty sure the way Kurt keeps looking from his wedding ring to him, seeking him out, that someone is going to pick it up before they announce it, but he doesn't care because Kurt looks radiantly happy and he doesn't ever want that to change.


End file.
